Well lets see. This has been some of the hardest times of my life. I don't feel like my problems are huge but for me they are never ending and I don't see an end to the pain. As you know we miscarried our child. If that wasn't hard enough, during the same conversation I was telling my brother about our miscarriage, he decided to tell us that they were expecting their second child. This didn't phase me at the time but later I realized this was extremely misplaced on his part. He claims that they had already kept it a secret for this long and were didn't want us to hear about it from someone else or on FB but the funny thing is they still haven't posted it to Facebook. Well lets just examine this a little more. my brother has been one of the most manipulative people I have ever known and has had many things hpapen in his life that could cause
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So here is the catch 22. If we follow the commandments and obey the Torah, aren't we supposed to get the blessing from God?
I have been typing in a very structured manner and I think i am going to start typing more like the thoughts appear in my head. Sorry for any typos, or grammatical errors. Here we go. So I am in this mood today after a stupid meeting which my boss was 45 minutes late to and went much later than anyone anticipated. This caused me to miss a meeting with a prospective client and not probably wont get the sale. This was my first client meeting and shot it in the butt. Thankfully my boss is not mad at me but feels bad for feeling like he contributed to my situation. Either way, this has got me pissed on top of everything else going on. I still considered myself a very blessed person in that there are a lot of other people much more less off than me, i am simply frustrated with the situation now. My wife has been improving significantly since i last wrote and she was able to get all the way through the Shabbat blessings without crying so that is huge!! The weather is great and we have some interested buyers with our house so I PRAY that something will come about with that. If you are looking for a house in Casper, let me know and i will hook you up. At work I have adopted a new approach with prospecting and anxious to try it. I read a good article about how to get past the gatekeeper and look forward to experimenting. I guess i just am struggling with several things right now and I know Yah will show me his wisdom in the events yet to come. I just cant see it yet. why is there a film canister on my desk. I wonder what is on the film? I might take it to Walgreens to get it developed and see. I found it in my laptop bag. Well, tomorrow is Thursday and I still have a ton of emails to send off but here i am writing to you. We just got a great deal on our United airlines tickets because someone got beaten and dragged off an airplane by one of their crew members. That is something we are looking forward to. in June, my wife and I are taking a vacation to just get away and enjoy life for a little while. Wont be anything exciting, just get away from life and be with each other for a little bit. Why cant that happen more often. I wish I had a business that was successful enough that I could just go away occasionally, not a ton, just enough to say I have lived a good life. No, I have to be at work all the time to pay for 2 houses and things for the new house but never really take the time to get out and play. we hike, camp, kayak, golf, etc but nothing ever very exciting. I just want to go!!!
Well I guess first off, if you have found this page, you have stumbled upon my personal expressive writings. I don't like to journal but this is my attempt of putting my thoughts into words.
Well, where to begin. Everything has been building over the past 2 years really. After I got married, my wife moved out to Wyoming where I lived at the time. You see I was born and raised in Wyoming and after college, I moved to Casper. It is a city that is not very well liked within Wyoming mainly because it is dirty and the type of people that live there are not friendship material. I don't mean to be judgmental, I am simply saying everyone smokes, seems to be missing 1 or more teeth, drives a piece of junk truck, and doesn't care for the appearance of their homes. Also, the wind seems to blow 15-50 mph (no joke) about 80% of the time. I lived there for 6 years before getting married and then for another 2 before we moved to Colorado. I had one friend that lived there (an old college roommate) but he and his wife were busy with their 2 kids and "the church" and they never would invite us to events or think to include us on any planning. My wife had a few coworker friends but still the same scenario. So began the hunt for a new career in Colorado so we could begin our new life. This seemed like a blessing and still kind of is but I have never experienced so much stress before. You see I had a extremely well paid position with an oil pipeline company and really didn't like certain aspects of the job. I enjoyed the work, I just hated having to drive an hour and a half out to my office and an hour and a half back home. EVERY DAY!!! Also, I didn't work with anyone 99% of the time. I knew this going into it but it really didn't take effect until about 4 years in. So we decided to apply for new jobs in Colorado, move down here and start our new lives. Well it sounds good in theory. We are not able to sell our house in Casper even though it is an amazing, pristine, immaculate, worry free, care free home. This has added to the stress that my wife has recently miscarried our first child and also adds to the stress of new jobs with a second house payment. Yahweh please help!!! |
